This Is Not My Beautiful Life: A Memoir
(Adobe EPUB eBook, Kindle Book, OverDrive Read)
ONE OF PUBLISHERS WEEKLY'S TEN MOST ANTICIPATED MEMOIRS OF THE SEASON
IF YOU THINK IT SUCKS TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS WHEN YOU'RE THIRTY-SIX AND NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, JUST WAIT TILL THE DEA COMES KNOCKING (WITH THE IRS IN TOW): WELCOME TO VICTORIA FEDDEN'S LIFE.
When a squad of federal agents burst through her parents' front door, Victoria Fedden felt ill-prepared to meet them: She was weeks away from her due date and her T-shirt wasn't long enough to hide her maternity undies. As for the question of how to raise a child when you've just discovered that your mother and stepfather have allegedly masterminded a pump-and-dump scheme? She was pretty sure that wasn't covered in What to Expect When You're Expecting—and she really hoped that Bradford Cohen, the noted criminal defense attorney who famously waived his exemption on The Apprentice, would prove them innocent.
This Is Not My Beautiful Life is the story of how Victoria lost her parents to prison and nearly lost her mind. No one ever said motherhood would be easy, but as she struggles to change diapers, install car seats, and find the right drop-off line at pre-school—no easy task, when each one is named for a stage in the lifecycle of a f*cking butterfly—she's also forced to ask herself whether a jump-suit might actually complement her mom's platinum-blonde extensions and fend off the cast of shady, stranger-than-fiction characters (like the recovering addict who scored a reality show when he started an escort service for women) who populated her parents' world.
A real-life Arrested Development that could only unfold in southern Florida, This Is Not My Beautiful Life is a hilariously funny and unexpectedly moving memoir of a just-functional family you'll never forget.
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Victoria Fedden. (2016). This Is Not My Beautiful Life: A Memoir. Picador.
Chicago / Turabian - Author Date Citation (style guide)Victoria Fedden. 2016. This Is Not My Beautiful Life: A Memoir. Picador.
Chicago / Turabian - Humanities Citation (style guide)Victoria Fedden, This Is Not My Beautiful Life: A Memoir. Picador, 2016.
MLA Citation (style guide)Victoria Fedden. This Is Not My Beautiful Life: A Memoir. Picador, 2016.
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- bioText: Victoria Fedden received her MFA in Creative Writing from Florida Atlantic University. Her blog "Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds" was voted 2011's best Humor Blog by the South Florida Sun Sentinel, and her personal essays have been anthologized in I Still Just Want to Pee Alone, Scary Mommy's Guide to Surviving the Holidays, Chicken Soup for the Soul, and My Other Ex. She also regularly contributes to Elephant Journal, and her writing has appeared on or is forthcoming from Scary Mommy, Babble, and xoJane, among other blogs and websites. She lives with her family in Fort Lauderdale.
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ONE OF PUBLISHERS WEEKLY'S TEN MOST ANTICIPATED MEMOIRS OF THE SEASON
IF YOU THINK IT SUCKS TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS WHEN YOU'RE THIRTY-SIX AND NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, JUST WAIT TILL THE DEA COMES KNOCKING (WITH THE IRS IN TOW): WELCOME TO VICTORIA FEDDEN'S LIFE.
When a squad of federal agents burst through her parents' front door, Victoria Fedden felt ill-prepared to meet them: She was weeks away from her due date and her T-shirt wasn't long enough to hide her maternity undies. As for the question of how to raise a child when you've just discovered that your mother and stepfather have allegedly masterminded a pump-and-dump scheme? She was pretty sure that wasn't covered in What to Expect When You're Expecting—and she really hoped that Bradford Cohen, the noted criminal defense attorney who famously waived his exemption on The Apprentice, would prove them innocent.
This Is Not My Beautiful Life is the story of how Victoria lost her parents to prison and nearly lost her mind. No one ever said motherhood would be easy, but as she struggles to change diapers, install car seats, and find the right drop-off line at pre-school—no easy task, when each one is named for a stage in the lifecycle of a f*cking butterfly—she's also forced to ask herself whether a jump-suit might actually complement her mom's platinum-blonde extensions and fend off the cast of shady, stranger-than-fiction characters (like the recovering addict who scored a reality show when he started an escort service for women) who populated her parents' world.
A real-life Arrested Development that could only unfold in southern Florida, This Is Not My Beautiful Life is a hilariously funny and unexpectedly moving memoir of a just-functional family you'll never forget.- reviews
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- source: Betsy Lerner, author of The Bridge Ladies
- content: "Victoria Fedden's memoir is a hilarious mash-up of Married to the Mob, Parenthood, and Co-dependent No More. Any writer who can deadpan a sentence like 'Mom was out on bond by the time I got home' gets my vote. This is a big-hearted book for screw-ups, late-bloomers, and second chancers."
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February 22, 2016
One morning, when Fedden is nine-months pregnant and living with her parents while her house is renovated, her life is completely upended. Federal agents turn up at the South Florida mansion and arrest Fedden’s mother and stepfather on felony charges relating to penny stocks and wire fraud. Fedden, whose places a high priority on caring for her troubled family, details with unfailing honesty and humor the joys and meltdowns of the next several years, as she devolves into a stressed-out mother with postpartum depression. Meanwhile, her parents await trial dates. Motherhood for Fedden is harrowing rather than blissful, as she deals with a needy baby, a husband who’s often on the road, and her struggles with self-worth. She finds it hard to value herself as a parent and woman despite having fought her way from dropping out of high school to becoming a writer and teacher with a graduate degree. Fedden’s mother and stepfather, on the other hand, are straight out of a Carl Hiaasen novel: AARP-age criminals who take pride in having a couch that was used in a porn film, shop at Costco, and are friends with gigolos, Russian mobsters, and singer Michael Bolton, among others. When Fedden finally establishes boundaries with her parents and gives her mental health overdue attention, she gains back much of her self that she’d lost, proving that even when one is overwhelmed by the wackiest of surroundings, change and happiness are possible. Agent: Terra Chalberg, Chalberg & Sussman.
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April 15, 2016
A blogger and nonfiction writer's account of how she survived both new motherhood and her eccentric parents' federal imprisonment for fraud. Fedden was 36 years old and nine months pregnant when she had her first encounter with the federal agents who raided her parents' luxurious South Florida home. She already knew that her wisecracking mother, Cecily, had once dabbled in drug dealing. Alongside her husband, Joel, a man who produced softcore pornography for cable TV, Cecily made "deals" that the pair never discussed. Despite the questionable nature of their business, arrest--and eventually, incarceration--was not what Fedden expected would happen to the parents whose friends included John Gotti's nephew and the "hooker who claimed to have screwed Mohammed Atta the week before 9/11." The author and her husband tried to build a quiet, relatively conventional life together, but inevitably, they became unwitting witnesses to the chaos that enveloped their parents' lives. Cecily emptied out checking accounts to "stick it straight up [the] asses" of government officials bent on destroying her life. Not to be outdone, Joel cheated on her with women who were either younger or crazier than she was. Meanwhile, Fedden struggled through the rigors of early motherhood. Feeling "defective as a woman" and generally incompetent in comparison to her apparently "perfect" sister, she explored yoga and New Age teachings, which she ridiculed at first but grew to love. As her parents' glittering world began to crumble, Fedden muddled her way to understanding that a "beautiful life" was less about finding perfection and more about accepting, and loving, flaws, especially in family members. At once disturbing and appealing, Fedden's book charts a refreshing path through family dysfunction and personal redemption. Entertaining and unexpectedly wise.COPYRIGHT(2016) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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May 15, 2016
Nine months pregnant, suffering from anxiety, and stressed out over the renovation of her house, Fedden opens her mother's door in southern Florida to a DEA team with a search warrant. What follow in this biting memoir are the travails of a self-absorbed family led by two criminals (mother and stepfather) who believe they are only guilty of getting ahead in a country that doesn't actually appreciate financial success. Their crimes involve illegal stock trades and a pump-and-dump scheme that enriched them while impoverishing others. As the federal indictments come down and the court case progresses, Fedden recounts her own escalating depression and fear. This is a family which, as do so many popular reality-television clans, excels at outrageous behavior, including loud parties, questionable relationships, and a firm belief in the healing powers of shopping, and while it's all supposed to be funny, the glaring absence of conscience is hard to ignore. Still, Fedden's true story of crime, comeuppance, and toughing it out will appeal to all devotees of scandalous endeavors and tabloid tales.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2016, American Library Association.)
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ONE OF PUBLISHERS WEEKLY'S TEN MOST ANTICIPATED MEMOIRS OF THE SEASON
IF YOU THINK IT SUCKS TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS WHEN YOU'RE THIRTY-SIX AND NINE MONTHS PREGNANT, JUST WAIT TILL THE DEA COMES KNOCKING (WITH THE IRS IN TOW): WELCOME TO VICTORIA FEDDEN'S LIFE.
When a squad of federal agents burst through her parents' front door, Victoria Fedden felt ill-prepared to meet them: She was weeks away from her due date and her T-shirt wasn't long enough to hide her maternity undies. As for the question of how to raise a child when you've just discovered that your mother and stepfather have allegedly masterminded a pump-and-dump scheme? She was pretty sure that wasn't covered in What to Expect When You're Expecting—and she really hoped that Bradford Cohen, the noted criminal defense attorney who famously waived his exemption on The Apprentice, would prove them innocent.
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