Melissa Febos. (2017). Abandon Me: Memoirs. Bloomsbury Publishing.

Melissa Febos. 2017. Abandon Me: Memoirs. Bloomsbury Publishing.

Melissa Febos, Abandon Me: Memoirs. Bloomsbury Publishing, 2017.

Melissa Febos. Abandon Me: Memoirs. Bloomsbury Publishing, 2017.

OverDrive Product Record

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   • bioText: Melissa Febos is the author of the memoir Whip Smart, the essay collection, Abandon Me, and a craft book, Body Work. A 2022 Guggenheim Fellow, she is also the inaugural winner of the Jeanne Córdova Nonfiction Award from LAMBDA Literary and the recipient of fellowships from The National Endowment for the Arts, MacDowell, Bread Loaf, Lower Manhattan Cultural Council, The BAU Institute, Vermont Studio Center, The Barbara Deming Memorial Fund, and others. Her essays have appeared in The Paris Review, The Believer, McSweeney's Quarterly, Granta, Sewanee Review, Tin House, The Sun, and The New York Times. She is an associate professor at the University of Iowa, where she teaches in the Nonfiction Writing Program.
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Bloomsbury USA

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2017-02-28T00:00:00-05:00

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title

Abandon Me

fullDescription

Named One of the Best Books of the year by:
Esquire, Refinery29, BookRiot, Medium, Electric Literature, The Brooklyn Rail, Largehearted Boy, The Coil and The Cut.

Winner of the Lambda Literary Jeanne Cordova Prize for Lesbian/Queer Nonfiction
Finalist, Lambda Literary Award for Lesbian Memoir/Biography
Finalist, Publishing Triangle's Judy Grahn Award for Lesbian Nonfiction
An Indie Next Pick

A fierce and dazzling personal narrative that explores the many ways identity and art are shaped by love and loss.
In her critically acclaimed memoir, Whip Smart, Melissa Febos laid bare the intimate world of the professional dominatrix, turning an honest examination of her life into a lyrical study of power, desire, and fulfillment.
In her dazzling Abandon Me, Febos captures the intense bonds of love and the need for connection — with family, lovers, and oneself. First, her birth father, who left her with only an inheritance of addiction and Native American blood, its meaning a mystery.
As Febos tentatively reconnects, she sees how both these lineages manifest in her own life, marked by compulsion and an instinct for self-erasure. Meanwhile, she remains closely tied to the sea captain who raised her, his parenting ardent but intermittent as his work took him away for months at a time. Woven throughout is the hypnotic story of an all-consuming, long-distance love affair with a woman, marked equally by worship and withdrawal. In visceral, erotic prose, Febos captures their mutual abandonment to passion and obsession — and the terror and exhilaration of losing herself in another.
At once a fearlessly vulnerable memoir and an incisive investigation of art, love, and identity, Abandon Me draws on childhood stories, religion, psychology, mythology, popular culture, and the intimacies of one writer's life to reveal intellectual and emotional truths that feel startlingly universal.

reviews

1. • premium: False
   • source: Esquire, "The 5 Books You Should Read in February"
   • content: Anyone who's read Febos . . . knows that her work explores boundaries as deftly as it defies categorization. In this new collection of essays, she once again obliterates convention with her erotically charged and intellectually astute recollections of family, relationships and the search for identity.
2. • premium: False
   • source: Kirkus Reviews
   • content: Erotic and dark, the book is a courageous exploration of love as the ultimate form of plenitude and annihilation. A lyrically visceral memoir of love and loss.
3. • premium: False
   • source: Publishers Weekly
   • content: Her mastery over metaphor is astonishing . . . What might be mere navel-gazing for a less brilliant author is made powerfully universal here. Though the particulars are hers, just about anyone can relate to the feeling of a chasm opening up inside. Febos's awakening to her full identity, even its ugliness, is a powerful and redemptive epic.
4. • premium: False
   • source: LAMBDA Literary
   • content: It's easy to fall in love with Melissa Febos' gorgeous new memoir of short essays. Febos brings a relentless curiosity and startling intimacy to the page . . . With her careful observations and introspection, she transcends isolation and captures the boundless nature of human emotion. Abandon Me is a fierce exploration of love and obsession, but it is something else as well—the story of woman who is unafraid to explore the harsh truths and choices that shape our lives.
5. • premium: False
   • source: Library Journal
   • content: A raw, brave work about truly knowing oneself.
6. • premium: False
   • source: The Millions
   • content: Febos's gifts as a writer seemingly increase with the types of subjects and themes that typically falter in the hands of many memoirists . . . Febos transports, but her lyricism is always grounded in the now, in the sweet music of loss.
7. • premium: False
   • source: The Huffington Post, "27 Nonfiction Books By Women Everyone Should Read This Year"
   • content: Searing and eye-opening at every turn . . . a must-read.
8. • premium: False
   • source: Newsweek, "Best New Books of the Week"
   • content: Riveting . . . emotionally raw and stirring in a way that will have you aching for more.
9. • premium: False
   • source: The Washington Post
   • content: Febos is a talented writer with a colorful personal history.
10. • premium: False
    • source: Publishers Weekly
    • content: In her second book, Febos examines the many loves of her life—lovers as well as family—with her distinctive blend of lush language and relentless intelligence.
11. • premium: False
    • source: Kirkus Reviews
    • content: [A] sonorous collection of concentric essays . . . Febos' lyrical musings are intercut with astronomy, antiquity, and pop culture analyses . . . With Abandon Me, Febos engages a process of self-discovery that confirms an exceptional skill at illuminating universal truths.
12. • premium: False
    • source: Refinery29, "Best Reads of February"
    • content: Intimate and mesmerizingly vulnerable, Abandon Me is a boo[k] that gets at the heart of who we love, how we love—and why.
13. • premium: False
    • source: Vol. 1 Brooklyn
    • content: A frequently stunning book, dealing with questions of family, identity, and intimacy.
14. • premium: False
    • source: Minneapolis Star Tribune
    • content: A gorgeous writer . . . [with] stunning gifts for metaphor and raw emotional truths.
15. • premium: False
    • source: Bitch Magazine
    • content: Abandon Me proves unequivocally that there must be room in the literary canon for the complexity of women's stories on erotic fixation and loss.
16. • premium: True
    • source:
    • content:

      Starred review from September 19, 2016
      Febos’s (Whip Smart) second memoir is part lovesick devotional and part meditation on the intersection between desire and identity. She outlines the progression of a doomed relationship in exquisitely romantic detail (“Her mouth the soft nail on which my life snagged, and tore open”) alongside the story of reconnecting with her birth father, a Wampanoag Native American and “career drug addict and alcoholic.” As she explores her native roots through the lens of historical trauma and cultural erasure, she finds an explanation for a viscerally felt absence and her willingness to be “colonized” by a controlling lover. She captures the contradictions of female sexuality, complicated further when the object of one’s desire is another woman, and delves into the push and pull of the other relationships that molded her, as with her adoptive father, a sea captain whose fierce love and
      frequent absence were contradictory formative influences: “Every time he left port, we wrecked again.” Her mastery over metaphor is astonishing: describing a moment of heartache, she writes, “I was the sound of breaking. Pedestrians and bicyclists looked around, covered their ears.” What might be mere navel-gazing for a less brilliant author is made powerfully universal here. Though the particulars are hers, just about anyone can relate to the feeling of a chasm opening up inside. Febros’s awakening to her full identity, even its ugliness, is a powerful and redemptive epic. Agent: Ethan Bassoff, Lippincott Massie McQuilkin.

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Named One of the Best Books of the year by:
Esquire, Refinery29, BookRiot, Medium, Electric Literature, The Brooklyn Rail, Largehearted Boy, The Coil and The Cut.

Winner of the Lambda Literary Jeanne Cordova Prize for Lesbian/Queer Nonfiction
Finalist, Lambda Literary Award for Lesbian Memoir/Biography
Finalist, Publishing Triangle's Judy Grahn Award for Lesbian Nonfiction
An Indie Next Pick

A fierce and dazzling personal narrative that explores the many ways identity and art are shaped by love and loss.
In her critically acclaimed memoir, Whip Smart, Melissa Febos laid bare the intimate world of the professional dominatrix, turning an honest examination of her life into a lyrical study of power, desire, and fulfillment.
In her dazzling Abandon Me, Febos captures the intense bonds of love and the need for...

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