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How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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Shambhala 2002
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Description
"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: 1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. 2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. 3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. 4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. 5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation." David Richo, PhD, is a psychotherapist, teacher, writer, and workshop leader whose work emphasizes the benefits of mindfulness and loving-kindness in personal growth and emotional well-being. He is the author of numerous books, including How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. ""Well-constructed and thought-provoking."—Spirituality & Health "An inspiring and highly practical guide to effective relationships."—Kathlyn Hendricks, coauthor of Conscious Loving and The Conscious Heart
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Format:
Adobe EPUB eBook, Kindle Book, OverDrive Read
Street Date:
06/18/2002
Language:
English
ISBN:
9780834821033
ASIN:
B00HZ374KY
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Citations
APA Citation (style guide)

David Richo. (2002). How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Shambhala.

Chicago / Turabian - Author Date Citation (style guide)

David Richo. 2002. How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Shambhala.

Chicago / Turabian - Humanities Citation (style guide)

David Richo, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Shambhala, 2002.

MLA Citation (style guide)

David Richo. How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Shambhala, 2002. Web.

Note! Citation formats are based on standards as of July 2010. Citations contain only title, author, edition, publisher, and year published. Citations should be used as a guideline and should be double checked for accuracy.
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fullDescription
"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:
1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.
3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.
When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation." David Richo, PhD, is a psychotherapist, teacher, writer, and workshop leader whose work emphasizes the benefits of mindfulness and loving-kindness in personal growth and emotional well-being. He is the author of numerous books, including How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. ""Well-constructed and thought-provoking."—Spirituality & Health
"An inspiring and highly practical guide to effective relationships."—Kathlyn Hendricks, coauthor of Conscious Loving and The Conscious Heart
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        June 17, 2002
        Approaching the study of relationships from a psychotherapist's perspective is How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Teacher and writer David Richo gives practical and spiritual exercises for couples and singles who want to have mature and lasting relationships. Emphasizing paying attention and letting go, Richo gently and compassionately coaches readers on what he calls the five A's: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. His book, which proposes "letting go of ego," will help those seeking personal transformation in their relationships.

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"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:

  • Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
  • Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.
  • Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
  • Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
  • Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take...
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    tableOfContents

    Foreword xi
    Acknowledgments xiii
    Introduction 1

    PART ONE: The Home We Leave 7

    1. How It All Began 9
    The Power of Mindfulness 13
    A Positive Spin on How It Was and Is 18
    The Five A's: The Keys that Open Us 26
    Unconditional Presence versus the Five Mindsets of Ego 40
    Practices: Our Skillful Means 42

    2. Love and Less 52
    Mirroring Love 52
    When We Deny We Were Deprived 56
    What Hurts Us Comforts Us 58
    How Good for Me Was My Family? 61
    Light on the Hurt 64
    A Heroic Journey 69
    Practices 70

    PART TWO: Struggles Along the Way 79

    3. Choosing a Partner 81
    Am I Cut Out for Relationship? 82
    Qualified Candidates 85
    What Are We Up To? 86
    Full Disclosure 89
    Sexualizing Our Needs 93
    Such Longings 97
    Destiny Plays a Part 99
    Practices 101

    4. Romance: The First Phase of Relationship 106
    Rising in Love 108
    When Romance Is Addictive 112
    What Love Feels Like 116
    Practices 118

    5. Conflicts 126
    Working Things Out 128
    The Past in the Present 133
    Men and Women 136
    Introvert or Extrovert? 138
    Practices 141

    6. Fears Rush In—and Dangers, Too 153
    Engulfment and Abandonment 153
    Learning from Our Fears 155
    Jealousy 156
    Infidelity 158
    Dealing with Disappointment 161
    Practices 165

    7. Letting Go of Ego 174
    Anatomy of the Arrogant Ego 177
    Anatomy of the Impoverished Ego 181
    The Riches of Ego and How to Find Them 183
    A Yes to the Things We Cannot Change 184
    Practices 187

    8. When Relationships End 199
    Ending with Grace and Moving On 201
    When Somebody Leaves You 208

    PART THREE: Returning the Blessing 215

    9. Our Commitment and How It Deepens 217
    The Virtues of Intimate Love 220
    Commitment 226
    Soul Mates 228
    Practices 231

    Epilogue 243
    Appendix: The Steps and Shifts of Mindful Grief 246